The First Step is the Hardest
by ByakuyaxRenji
Summary: Set a few weeks after 'When the Gun Goes Bang Bang', Jane and Maura realise a few things about their relationship.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note - Well I've been working on this for a little while and I've decided to post it up. Its not a song-fic nor is it a continuation of either The Sound of White or All For Believing but a separate story entirely. Its set after 'When the Gun Goes Bang Bang'. Reviews/Comments/Suggestions are welcome. Flames not so much but constructive criticism is alright by me just be polite about it.  
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**Disclaimer - I don't own Rizzoli and Isles, they belong to Tess Gerritsen and the wonderful people at TNT. I'm merely borrowing them for a while.**

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><p>It had been a few weeks since the incident at the precinct and things were slowly returning to normal, or at least as normal as things could be. Maura had spent her days at work and her nights at the hospital by Jane's bedside, not wanting to leave her best friend alone for too long but even she had to admit that burning the candle at both ends was draining to say the least. After a particularly long day at the office she arrived at the hospital looking a little worse for wear, which caused Jane to glance at her with concern,<p>

"Maura, you look like hell. Go home, eat something and get some sleep. When was the last time you actually slept a full eight hours?" Jane almost regretted speaking those last few words out loud when she saw Maura stiffen, in hindsight it would have been better had she engaged her brain before actually uttering those last few words.

"The night before the shooting despite the fact that Bass was unwell its the last time I recall getting a full nights rest, since then I've either been at work or here." replied Maura rather sullenly, before rising from the chair she'd been sitting in, "I didn't want to leave you alone, I almost lost you Jane and when I think about that I..." a fresh wave of tears started despite all of Maura's efforts to the contrary and Jane's face fell, "I'm sorry." she spoke softly reaching to hold Maura's hand that was still resting on the bed, "I appreciate you coming to visit after work Maura but you have to take care of yourself too, I'd hate to be the cause of you getting sick because your exhausted." she smiled softly hoping that her best friend would see the concern written across her features as she gently ran her thumb over the back of Maura's hand. A soft sigh escaped from Maura's lips as she turned to face Jane, seeing the concern on her best friends face she allowed her disappointment to melt away; as she smiled in return, "You're right, Jane and as long as you promise me to stay put and not antagonise the nurses I'll head home and get some rest." the glint in Maura's eye was unmistakable as she chose in that moment to tease Jane slightly, the returned pout from Jane was enough to make her giggle slightly, "I'll take that as a yes then Jane, I'll drop by after work tomorrow but don't hesitate to call me if you need anything." she smiled at Jane before heading out of the room, "Good Night, Maura" Jane managed before allowing her pain medication to take over as she drifted off to sleep.

Arriving home, Maura unlocked the door and entered before re securing all the locks. She walked slowly through the house to the kitchen, greeting Bass on the way to the fridge as she got out vegetables for his dinner and placed them down for him before fixing a salad for herself along with a glass of Chardonnay. Draining the glass, she rinsed it out and placed it on the draining board before switching off the kitchen light and heading through to the bedroom. She stripped out of today's clothes, changing into one of Jane's faded BPD t-shirts and silk pyjama bottoms before climbing under the sheets and switching off the bedside light.

Sleep however didn't come easy, the nightmares of that fateful day replaying in Maura's mind even as she tried to sleep. The confusion of the phones going dead and the lighting failing, trying to comfort Bass who she'd brought to work that day and then nerves as she tried to save Frankie at Jane's request; everything seemed to snowball until she was outside the front of the precinct trying to stop Jane from bleeding out. She woke with a start, her heart hammering in her chest and a light covering of sweat as she tried to calm her breathing; the memories and emotions of that day still at the forefront of her mind and something else she couldn't rationally explain. As her breathing slowed the realisation of what she was feeling slowly dawned on her, the reason why she hadn't wanted to leave Jane's side since the shooting and why she had been willing to burn the candle at both ends; Dr Maura Isles was in love with her best friend Detective Jane Rizzoli. This realisation brought a smile to her lips before her thought process continued on to the ramifications of this recent development, whilst happy at the realisation telling Jane would be an entirely different story and Maura wasn't sure if it was worth risking their friendship. Content for the moment with this knowledge Maura sank back onto her pillows and fell quickly back into slumber.

At Massachusetts General Hospital the pain medication was gradually wearing off and despite the late hour Jane Rizzoli was waking up from her medicated induced sleep. The pain from the gunshot wound had gone from excruciating to a dull throb thanks for the high dosage of pain medication but that didn't explain another dull ache that was working its way through her. Closing her eyes for a moment she thought back on her earlier conversation with Maura and how her best friend had gotten so upset at the suggestion she leave Jane and go home, it hadn't gone unnoticed by Jane that her best friend had been with her almost if not every day since she was admitted after the shooting at headquarters and for that Jane had been grateful as it allowed her respite from her mother but maybe her subconscious mind had been doing a little detective work without her knowing it.

The only question that needed answering was how long had her subconscious mind decided it wanted to be with Maura in more than just a friend capacity, was it that disastrous date with Jorge or when they went undercover at Merch; or did it stretch as far back as their first case. She couldn't be sure but somewhere along the line Detective Jane Rizzoli had fallen in love with Dr Maura Isles, but telling your best friend that you have more than friend feelings for them was going to prove a little difficult; losing Maura's friendship was the last thing Jane wanted. Sighing deeply and pinching the bridge of her nose Jane let out a slow breath before closing her eyes and willing herself to sleep, there was nothing to be done at this hour about how she felt so sleep would have to suffice.


	2. Chapter 2  Avoiding the Issue

The sunlight filtered through the blind covered windows at Massachusetts General Hospital pulling Jane from a rather pleasant dream compared to her nightmares about Hoyt. As she slowly opened her eyes she was greeted by her mother Angela, she managed to hold back the small groan that was threatening to escape as she greeted her, "Morning, Ma."

"Morning Janie, no Dr Isles this morning?" she asked with a smile as she began to fuss with Jane's pillows,

"No Ma, Maura's probably on her way to work. I sent her home last night to rest and she said she'd be back tonight." Angela paused in her movement as she studied Jane for a moment,

"Good, poor women's been here constantly since that day. It took a lot of persuading to get her to change her clothes least of all leave you for more than five minutes at a time." If Jane wasn't feeling guilty already then her Mother's guilt trip was doing a fine job at adding to it,

"I know Ma, I know" she sighed deeply wrestling with her feelings and trying not to give too much away in front of her Mother,

"Frankie is getting released today, I'm here to pick him up and take him home." Jane nodded at Angela's words still reeling from the guilt trip from earlier,

"I'm glad Frankie's okay, if it wasn't for Maura I don't know what I would have done." she added smiling softly at her Mother,

"He adores you Janie, that's why he followed you into this dangerous job. You know I worry about you both everyday but this, this Janie just makes it that much harder to understand. I could have lost both of you, did you even think about that?" Angela turned away for a moment as fresh tears began to gather and it broke Jane's heart to see her Mother so upset but the pain and the various tubes sticking out of her meant she could comfort her,

"Ma, I'm okay. Frankie's okay. We're both still here and I promise we're not going anywhere anytime soon. It won't be long before your yelling at me again for rough-housing with him." she smiled as Angela looked over at her and nodded,

"I'm going to go and get your brother, you just stay put and rest Janie. I love you" she added before lightly kissing Jane's forehead and heading out of the room, "Love you too, Ma"

Jane took a deep breath as Angela left pinching the bridge of her nose before running a hand through her dark hair, she hated seeing her mother so upset and it didn't help matters knowing she was the cause; she leant back and closed her eyes trying to will the pain to go away and for the memories of that day to go with it but as with the nightmares of Hoyt these new memories would take a while to fade, if they faded at all.

Maura woke to the soothing sounds of her Zen alarm clock, she allowed herself a moment to stretch before rising and going about her morning routine. She ate a light breakfast, fed Bass and had a cup of tea before gathering her medical bag and heading out to her Mercedes; for a full day of work at Boston Police Department. As the Chief Medical Examiner she had scheduled two autopsies for that morning with a break for lunch before another two in the afternoon, allowing her to finish at a reasonable hour so that she could visit Jane. The thought of visiting Jane however was now a double edged sword, she didn't want her best friend to know that her feelings had moved beyond friendship but she was also aware that she couldn't lie either. Shaking her head at the sudden doubt that had entered her mind, she pulled into her parking spot at the back of the Precinct and took a deep calming breath. There was no need to panic about the situation because at present there was nothing to panic about, Jane had no idea how Maura felt and for the moment Maura wasn't going to let on otherwise.

The working day passed by relatively quickly for Maura, for once there were no new homicides that needed her expertise so she was able to complete her scheduled work and reports within good time. As she logged off her laptop from the latest collection of Louboutin shoes having ordered two new pairs during her lunch hour, she straightened the wrinkles out of her Chanel dress and closed down the Morgue heading toward the elevators to take her up to the main floor of the Precinct. She smiled and said good night to the duty Police Office on the front desk and headed out to the parking lot to retrieve her car and head over to the hospital to see Jane.

Jane was getting more agitated as the day wore on and as the hours ticked closer to when Maura would arrive at her hospital bed from work, she wasn't sure if she'd be able to hide her attraction to the ME but she would sure as hell try.

Maura walked into Jane's hospital room and took a deep breath, this was the moment she'd been looking forward to but at the same time dreading; she couldn't let Jane know that she was in love with her but she couldn't lie about it either. She smiled and sat in the chair beside her best friend and gently took her hand,

"Good Evening, Jane." she managed, "How are you feeling today?" she asked whilst gently smoothing down the non-existent wrinkles in her dress before making eye contact with her best friend,

"I'm doing better, Ma came by to see me this morning before she collected Frankie. She told me how you kept watch over me." Jane exhaled sharply, she hadn't meant to mention how Angela had laid on a guilt trip over Maura's health this morning nor how her mother's words had affected her, "I told her she'd soon be yelling at me again for rough-housing with Frankie." she chuckled trying to deflect her earlier comment hoping it had gone unnoticed by Maura.

Unfortunately for Jane the comment hadn't gone unnoticed by her best friend but seeing the obvious discomfort it had caused she chose to leave it be for now at least,

"Jane, I need to be honest with you over the shooting. You scared me that day, I tried so hard to get to you but I didn't make it and then you were bleeding out and my medical instinct kicked in. Korsak told me later that he'd never seen me so bossy before but you were dying in my arms and I couldn't allow that to happen and I'm angry at you for risking your life even though I know you had your reasons for doing what you did." the tears that she had been holding back, the tears that she'd only allowed herself to shed in private were now free flowing and she couldn't stop them and she hated herself for burdening Jane when she should be the one comforting her.

Despite all the wires, and the alarm bells that started ringing when Jane began to move she continued in her efforts to pull her best friend to her. Her grip tightened on Maura's hand as she pulled her towards the bed and held her close,

"I'm sorry, Maura. So Sorry" she soothed as her own tears began to fall, the emotions of that day and her earlier conversation finally catching up to her that she didn't bat an eyelid when the nurse appeared at the doorway with a distinct frown upon her face at the position she saw Dr Isles and her patient in, Jane waved her off as the machines finally settled down as Maura continued to sob in her arms.


End file.
